Troy and K-9 Rogue

Hi, I’m Troy Hokanson. I live in the south metro with my wife Melissa and children. I am a nine-year army veteran and served as a police officer for over twenty-five years. In my role as a police officer, I had many different assignments, including patrol officer, FTO, SWAT, Reserve Liaison Officer and
Investigator, which included digital forensics.
During my first time working investigations in 2010, I had my first solo case over the 4th of July weekend. I completed three interrogations, two confessions, a search warrant, evidence collection, and incident reports. It wasn’t long after this case, and others, I started developing the symptoms of what I later understood was PTSD.
My first dissociative panic attack was around 2011 or 2012 and continued until I mustered the courage to see my doctor years later. The many reasons why included fear as the driving factor. Fear that I might lose my job if I told anyone. Fear that I would
lose my life. There were times when I looked at my handgun and almost made an irrevocable decision, before I put it in my gun locker. I felt worthless for a variety of reasons, mostly related to employment. In my irrational mind, my entire identity would
be swept away if I reported the feelings, along with my ability to take care of my family.
Being a police officer had been a lifelong dream since I was a teenager, it wasn’t just a job for me. It was a calling, and I was good at it. I didn’t want to disappoint my family; my close and extended family, I didn’t want to think about losing my income for
the family that I took responsibility for. I wanted to be the “man of the house” and take care of my family. That’s what it was like growing up, my dad was a good man, a strong male figure, a Vietnam veteran and I wanted to be like him.
After four plus years of mental exhaustion, ongoing fatigue, stress and repeated trauma without treatment, it needed to be addressed so I spoke with my doctor about it. My doctor and I agreed to start mental health medications, and it took time and many
different medicine changes before I found the right ones and slowly began to work, and I started to feel a bit better. It is a daily battle, dealing with social anxiety, migraine headaches, tension in my neck, shoulders, chronic upper and lower back pain.
It used to be a blast going to concerts or state fair; anything with large crowds is now a huge challenge, including attending my kids’ sports and school events. I still will let Melissa or whoever I’m with know that I need to excuse myself and go out to the car
and wait for the event to be over. During the last few years on patrol, I gained 40+ pounds on top of already being overweight. I am no longer interested in hiking or camping. I used to love going to the North Shore camping with my family. Now it feels at
times like I’m just empty or alone, even though in my mind I know there’s a great support system.
My wife is wonderful, I have three great kids, an extended family that are wonderful. Even with them and the ongoing therapy and medicine, I experience
flashbacks that bring me right back to the scene of traumatic cases or incidents I witnessed. I don’t get to choose when they come and go. The idea of receiving and training a dog to help me tackle my PTSD gives me hope for a better future, one where I
can get back to living my life instead of dreading it.
I will close gratefully with a “Thank You” to the Soldier 6 organization and all the donors who are helping me to rebuild my life. My heart is full thinking of this generosity.